Miss Baltimore Crabs Lyrics by Various Artists

(from the album Hairspray)

Currently 3.83/5
1
2
3
4
5

Rating: 3.8 / 5

[Velma](Michelle Pfeiffer)
Front step "cha cha cha"
Back step "cha cha cha"
Side step, front step
Back and turn

[Tracy](Nikki Blonsky)
Oh my God Penny there's Link, Link
I can't believe I'm really here auditioning

[Penny](Amanda Bynes)
I can't believe I'm really here watching you audition.

[Velma]
Front step "cha cha cha"
Back step "cha cha cha"
Side step, front step
Back and...
Oh Amber, look at this motley crew!
This town sure has gone downhill since I was crowned

[Amber](Brittany Snow)
Oh, Mother not more ancient history

[Velma]
Oh my God
How times have changed
These girls must be blind or
Completely deranged
But time seemed to halt
When I was "Miss Baltimore Crabs"
Amber! That move is far too dirty

[Amber]
Mother wake up from that dream of yours.
This isn't 1930!

[Velma]
You can laugh but life's a test
Don't do this, don't do that
Remember, Mother knows best.
But the crown's in the vault
From when I won "Miss Baltimore Crabs"

[Amber]
These steps are perfect ammunition

[Velma]
Let me show you how your mommy dear
Took out the competition.
Girls, go get em! Boys, let's rhumba!
2-3-4-5-6-7
Those poor runner-ups
Might still hold some grudges
They padded their 'cups'
But I screwed the judges
Those broads thought they'd win
If a plate they would spin
In their dance
Not a chance!
Boys, put me down.
Oh, Good morning ladies.
Let's see what you've got.

[Council Girls]
Twist, twist, twist, twist,
Mashed potato, Mambo.

[Velma]
Ready? Begin, on my show you'll never find
A thrusting hip or bump and grind

[Amber]
What's that, a dance for fleas and ticks?

[Velma]
You should have seen my bag of tricks!
Ohh I hit the stage batons ablaze
While belting Aida
And preparing soufflés
But that triple somersault
Is how I clinched "Miss Baltimore Crabs."

Proceed...

[Tammy](Hayley Podschun)
Are you scared? We're on live.
[Tracy]
No, I'm sure I can cope!
[Amber]
Well, this show isn't broadcast
In...
[Council Girls]
...Cinemascope!

[Velma]
I never drank one chocolate malt
No desserts for "Miss Baltimore Crabs"
[Amber]
This one will never get a date
In those hand-me-down clothes.
[Velma]
Kid, she'll never get a date
'Til daddy buys her a new nose.
I would say 'oy gevalt' if I wasn't
"Miss Baltimore Crabs!"
[Amber]
Do you dance like you dress?

[Link](Zac Efron)
Amber there's no need to be cruel!
[Velma]
Would you swim in an integrated pool?
[Tracy]
I sure would.
I'm all for integration.
It's the new frontier!

[Velma]
Not in Baltimore it isn't.
And may I be frank?
First impressions can be tough
And when I saw you I knew it
If your size weren't enough
Your last answer just blew it!
And so, my dear so short and stout
You'll never be "in"
[Velma & Council Kids]
So we're kicking you out!

[Velma]
With your form and your face
Awww, it isn't your fault
You're just down with a case of "Miss...
[Velma & Council Kids]
...Baltimore...
[Velma]
...Crabs!"

[Velma]
You may go
[Tracy]
Um... thank you
[Penny]
I think they secretly liked you.

[Little Inez](Taylor Parks)
Hello ma'am, may I please audition

[Velma & Council Kids]
Of course not,
But you can bow and exalt!
'Cause I am "Miss Baltimore...
[Velma & Council Kids]
Crabs!!!"
Crabs, crabs, crabs!!!